26 December 2008


I know I haven't been writing much lately. I won't bore you with excuses. I have a feeling that will change sometime soon. The stories that inspire this blog are coming back with new chapters. Soon we will find out if the O6 will get back, and how Jeremy Bentham died; we'll find out the identity of the 5th Cylon and what happened to Earth. Jack is coming back, and so is (Coletta Factor: promo for new 24) Tony Almeida! 24 will feature none other than Tony Todd, who, aside from numerous awesomely memorable roles on Star Trek, will forever be remembered as that bayou-born slasher from the beyond, Candyman. Barack Obama will be inaugurated, and the inevitable conflict begins: the progressives who feel they are owed the world because of the Bush years will resist all of Obama's moves toward the center.

Christmas? Oh, Christmas was awesome. Saw my family, my girlfriend's family, who absolutely loved me, natch, got some good christmas loot: a new journal, a book or two, a jigsaw puzzle based on the Valenzetti Equation. Had some awesome food, got a stocking full of candy.

Ok, next time: The real life Jeremy Bentham created a type of prison called the Panopticon, the purpose of which is to make all prisoners visible to an observer at all times, creating the "sentiment of an invisible omniscience. Read about it here.

17 December 2008

What's been happening??

Well, I've been stressed out, frustrated, I hate my job. My hands are on fire again, and it's Xmas time. The governor of Illinois got busted for corruption, the economy continues its downward spiral, Bush got shoes thrown at him, ha ha. I'm trading my Wii for an Xbox 360, with a bunch of games. I'm getting older and balder, and I want to shave my head again. Speaking of which, OJ got sent up the river for a loooong time for being stupid. This space may be monitored by my employers. Caroline Kennedy may become a senator from New York. The siege of Mumbai lasted 3 days. Volume 3 of Heroes is over, Season 5 of Lost is due to start the day after Obama takes over, which may be too late for him to save us from a Great Depression. The guy who threw the shoes at Bush was beaten. He suffered a broken arm, broken ribs, and internal bleeding. Merry Christmas, everyone!!!

10 December 2008

post script: Hellride

Hellride comes to you with Quentin Tarantino's name plastered on the box. I remember going to see Hostel 2; some old dude got up and stormed out about halfway through, muttering to himself, "Tarantino will put his name on anything." I disagreed with the old dude, and by the way, why would you go to Hostel 2, knowing full well what kind of film it is, then storm out in mock disgust? Anyway, Tarantino's imprimatur and the trailer for this film, this "Hellride," made me think it would be Grindhouse 1.5, an updating of an old exploitation genre, with cool characters and snappy dialogue. The only problem with this film is Larry Bishop. The fatal problem with this film is that Larry Bishop wrote, directed, and stars in Hellride.

Larry must have known that he couldn't keep up with Michael Madsen as the Gent, so he created for Madsen so one-sided and lame a character that Bishop's character, "Pistolero," looked even more the hero. Ditto Eric Balfour, David Carradine, et tu, Dennis Hopper? Vinnie Jones? Really? Everyone except Bishop is slumming in this film.

It's your basic 12 year old male fantasy: Loud motorcycles, girls, gun violence, knife fights, the good guys are always solidly one crucial step ahead of the bad guys. Bishop plays the "pres" of the gang, of course, an ugly, rather brutish guy who gets all the girls and kills all the bad guys. This film is one of the most self-aggrandizing, fantasy fulfillment, I'll-never-get-that-105-minutes-back, bullshit movies I have ever seen. It's not even funny-bad, it's just lame-bad.

09 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. I have a Netflix, I mean stomachache.

I need a new game-droid!

Sorry, Nintendo Wii, it's not you, it's me. I'm not 8 years old, and I sometimes want to play grown-up games, like Halo and GTA IV. I enjoyed Boom Blox and Super Mario Galaxy; Wii Sports was cool for a week or two. It's not all me, though. There are so few games that really take advantage of your motion sensing technology. I'm selling you to the first person that comes along, and when I have that 300 bucks in my hand and you're going home with a stranger, I'll be off to the store to get myself a brand new Xbox 360. I know it's hard for you to hear this, Wii, but I don't want to string you along. Better to just do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. We had some good times, but they were too few and far between.

Get ready, upstairs neighbors!!!! Rock Band is coming to Toasterville!

08 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. There has been a mass breakout at Azkaban, the Dementors are no longer under ministry control, and I am scared that I might be a target.

07 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. My Kryptonian girlfriend won't let me leave.

04 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. You see, when I was a child, I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons, and now I've got that feeling once again. I can't explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am.

03 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. My flying car crashed into a tree and my wand broke and now I'm burping up slugs.

40 minutes later...

I heard a persistent, painful squeal, like EEEK! ToasterCat caught the mouse again. This time I saved the wee beastie. I chased the cat away a bit, picked up the mouse and brought him outside. ToasterCat might be mad, but she's had enough fun, and it's no fun trying to go to sleep while an animal is fighting for its life in your house.

Natural selection on display

My kitty, called ToasterCat, caught a mouse tonight. I heard her meowing, which she does a fair amount, but never in the middle of the night. I poked my head out my bedroom door and she came trotting in with the wee beastie in her mouth. She put it down and let it think it would get away and then she pounced on it. I didn't want her to do it in my room, so I shooed her out, and she took the mouse with her. I'm not really into animal killing, but she deserves a little fun. She used to be 1 of 4 cats in the house, now she's the only one. I think she misses having friends to play and fight with. I tried after a few minutes to save the mouse. I caught it on a TIME magazine, (I didn't want to touch it,) but it fell off before I could bring it outside. After another few minutes, the mouse got away on its own, probably ran behind the stove or something.
It's Darwin, it's the order of things. That's why I don't get fussed about eating meat. Cats frak with mice, coyotes try to kill roadrunners, and people eat cheeseburgers.

02 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't...oh, wait, it's my day off. Never mind. I'll just be rocking out all day.

01 December 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. It's just an invitation to the blues.