29 November 2008

Calling in sick

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. Someone found and destroyed all my horcruxes.

Calling in sick

Sorry boss, I can't come to work today. My hot air balloon got stuck in a tree.

27 November 2008

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"

The reports of what actually happened are, as you would expect, fragmented and indefinite, but it appears as though a group of armed jihadists arrived in Mumbai on a rubber dinghy last night, stormed the city and started shooting people. They made their way to a cafe, a cinema, and 2 luxury hotels, in the lobbies of which they threw grenades and rounded up people with US and UK passports. They attacked the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, Mumbai's biggest train station, which is pictured above.

The pictures coming out of there are terrible. As of now, mid-morning in Mumbai, 1am here, in the words of an unnamed Indian official, "[T]he situation is still not under control." The police have killed some of the attackers, captured others, but it appears that some are still at large in the Oberoi Trident hotel. An unknown number of people, including some reporters with cell-phones or laptops, are trapped in their rooms.

This is a modern city, a tourist spot, a business center, the home of Bollywood. What if it happened here? This shit has got to stop. Humanity is capable of so much more, if only we could get rid of our Dick Cheney lizard brains. Read a foreign newspaper. Introduce yourself to someone of a different color. Talk to people you disagree with, and listen to them. Your god is no better than another's, and neither one wants you to kill for him.

Come on, people, smile on your brother. Everybody, get together and love one another. Right now.

let's play 'funny not funny'!


26 November 2008

Calling in sick, volume 1

Sorry, boss, I can't come to work today. I fell off a cliff in a mining accident.

What my left hand looked like, or why I went to the Emergency room on a Sunday morning...

It actually looked a little worse. My fingers got all swollen and the skin on them was glowing a cherry red. There was so much oozy stuff coming out of the pores that I had to rinse it in cold water every 5 minutes. This had been an ongoing situation since at least my birthday this year. It also happened 2 winters ago. It had been bad, but the last three days before I went to the ER were torture. I didn't play Guitar Hero at all, and I couldn't type. That's one of the reasons you haven't heard from me in a while.
Why did this happen, you ask? Well, it seems that the device in the mop sink at work that regulates the concentration of the sanitizer solution has been on the fritz, dispensing it at twice the recommended amount.

20 November 2008

"Did you ever have a job that you hated and worked real hard at? A long, hard day of work. Finally you get to go home, get in bed, close your eyes and immediately you wake up and realize... that the whole day at work had been a dream. It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free. "

--Guy Forsyth, Waking Life

"Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, 'Uhh... no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.' "

--Michael Scott, The Office (US)

I always wanted to be a children's illustrator and when people said, "What do you do?" I would say, "Well, I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work for a little bit of extra cash." So, for years, I was an illustrator who did some reception work. Then Lee thought it would be a good idea for us both to get full-time jobs and then you're knackered after work and it's hard to do illustrating. So now, when people ask me what I do, I say I'm a receptionist.

--Dawn Tinsley, The Office (UK)

12 November 2008

Affleck as Olbermann

Couldn't resist sharing this one with you:

It's about love...

Keith Olbermann, 2 nights ago on Countdown: I couldn't have said it better. BTW, did you see Ben Affleck's Olbermann skit on SNL? Look it up, it's hilarious.

10 November 2008

Good news, everyone!

Bush's Last Day is nearly upon us! The clock at the left will tick off the days, minutes, and seconds until the cheerleader cowboy war criminal goes back to Texas with approval ratings solidly below freezing.

In his place will be Barack Obama, America's first black president, if you don't count Bill Clinton or the fictional President David Palmer from 24, the latter of whom I am certain helped to pave the way in the American psyche to elect Obama. This is awesome news. Not only do we get the chance to make the most solid improvement in race relations since the Civil Rights era, but we get an intellectual, a man who wants to surround himself with differing opinions, a man who appreciates nuance, a man whose greatest gift seems to be the ability to inspire people to hope for a better tomorrow.

(I'm glad the election is over. I didn't blog about it much after the primaries, but you better believe I followed it almost religiously, and I'm ready for a break from the polls, the electoral maps, the talking heads with their talking points, and the most annoying Rachel Maddow. I agree with her on mostly everything, but, Gaaah!)


But that's not all. 20 January is the Inauguration. 21 January marks the return of Lost, now heading strongly into its 5th and penultimate season. I am so frakkin excited about this. How did Locke get off the Island? How did he die? Where did the Island go when Ben turned the frozen donkey wheel? What happened to Claire? Will Des and Penny get their Happily Ever After, or will Ben succeed in avenging himself upon Widmore for the murder of the lovely Alex? Is Christian Shepherd alive? Also, what the frak is up with that giant 4-toed foot? It's been 2 years since they dropped that little nugget on us, and neither hide nor hair of an explanation has been given. (Unless it has, and we just don't see it) What of the Chang video from this summer's comic-con?

My goal: to be in a new job by the time I sit down on that Wednesday night with a certain pixie by my side. I'll let you know how it turns out.

08 November 2008

I would blog more, but

I hate my fucking job; it makes me so angry I can't think straight; I come home and the only thing I can do is relax and try to forget why I'm so pissed off. To my employers, who may or may not be spying on this blog: kindly FUCK OFF!!