14 July 2008
1 for the road
Today, Monday, the 14th of July, marks 9 years since I have had a drop of alcohol. Life is so much better without drinking. I've grown to dislike bars, parties, anyone who's a little tipsy. I don't get headaches or stomachaches very often, and I always wake up in my own bed, except when I don't, because I chose to sleep somewhere else. If I never pass out and wake up with Sharpie graffiti all over my face again, it will be too soon. I never was an angry drunk, more happy and silly or sad, but occasionally I would threaten to take my pants off in a room full of people; once or twice I actually did it. (I didn't expose myself, I was just trying to be funny.) Now I take my pants off at the appropriate time, in the appropriate manner. Being drunk was pretty fun, if I'm going to tell the truth. I was outgoing, if not charming, and bold enough to go to all sorts of parties and shows the likes of which would scare the hell out of me these days. What was missing was a sense of moderation, the idea that I can be ok and deal with my life without the crutch of a beer in my hand. What I had then that I don't have now is the boldness required to write confidently and prolifically. Writing scares me a bit now, I'm much more timid behind the keyboard than I was. I don't want to offend anyone. There's more, there's always more, but that's enough of that.
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2 comments:
beautiful.
thank you for sharing this chapter on the road. its comforting to hear. i really appreciated what you wrote about what was missing then and what is missing now. without, does one lose his, or her, creative voice. it feels like the destructive element is necessary to inspire creativity, especially since so many writers, visual artists and musicians are notoriously struggling with some substance or upset. i want to believe it isn't true; that it's a myth that makes itself true, like the story of Neville Longbottom.
he always had the ability, the desire, and the heart. Once he braved his doubt, or perhaps forgot his doubts,he proved himself an exceptional wizard. it was insecurity, and only that, which made him appear clumsy and incapable.
i am very proud of you. 9 years is an extraordinary accomplishment. believe that about yourself. that you are strong enough that, "[you] can be ok and deal with [your] life without the crutch of a beer in my hand."
p.s. i want to read more...
don't worry about offending people. the world is far too sensitive these days. it needs to be toughened up a bit, I think.
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